I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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