My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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