my phone needs a breathalizer
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
