That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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