stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
