And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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