GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
