Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
