YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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