Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
