just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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