dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
