yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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