Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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