saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
