We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
