just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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