When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
