today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
