two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
