the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize