you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
