No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
