Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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