Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Who died my cat blue again?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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