So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
