Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Holy shit dude........stairs
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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