Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
