I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
