garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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