so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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