I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We need to get me chipped asap
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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