Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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