i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
