He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
