You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
