3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
