thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
