Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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