Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
