Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you win again, gameday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its liver damage thursday
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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