your thong is hanging out like whoa
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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