Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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