no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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