BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
