I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize