I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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