So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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