i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
