just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
