that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i believe in u and ur pee
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
