Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
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I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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