You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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