I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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