dude i'm inner monologue high
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
