I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
