my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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