thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
