I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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