Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
