I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
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crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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