oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
