I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
